This balance ensures that the process of making amends is constructive rather than detrimental. Making direct amends means actively confronting your behavior with the person whom you harmed. In some cases, simply opening up a conversation with a friend or family member about your history of alcohol use can begin this process. The way it was explained to me Vixen, was that I had spent years heavily into my addiction …Being the selfish alcoholic that most of us are … By doing so, and trying to say I was sorry, over and over and over again, my family got numb to those occasions because when I drank again, I tore down any trust I was trying to regain …
What Are The 12 Steps Celebrate Recovery Recognizes?
John told Mark he understood the financial sacrifice Mark and his family made to help him and expressed regret for breaking his trust. Mark, who loaned John $500 to avoid a car repo while he was an active alcoholic. John spent the money on substances and allowed the repo man to take the car. AA has helped thousands of individuals like you start again. Here are a few AA amends scripts you can use for restitutions in different areas of your life. It’s important to approach Step 9 AA with a coachable attitude.
How to Write Your Amends List
- Begin with a sincere apology, being specific about the wrongs committed instead of making vague statements of guilt.
- A quick, sincere apology can also help fix things, as shown by strategies for fixing relationships.
- This might mean paying back debts or working to fix broken relationships, showing you’ve changed.
- Making amends to my family, and to the families of alcoholics still suffering, will always be important.
Sometimes, making direct amends to someone may lead to further harm. For example, if you are estranged from a loved one and they will not see you, your indirect amends may involve reflecting on and modifying the behaviors that led to the estrangement. When making direct amends, it is usually best to do so after a sustained period of sobriety and while in a calm state of mind. Say, for example, that someone gets drunk, drives, and kills somebody in a traffic accident. This is an indirect amend that can give life back to someone in the future.
The 12 Steps For Each Major 12 Step Program
- When the promises do manifest, they emerge from consistent action across the steps.
- Understanding the havoc I created and trying to repair the destruction, will be a lifelong endeavor.
- Reliance on any information provided by this website is solely at your own risk.
- If you have a reaction to their feedback, pause and just listen then share your thoughts about this with your support system, therapist or sponsor.
- And this was the only way to regain any amount of trust …
- This is where the concept of “indirect amends” comes into play.
Get rid of that guilt; apologize, make your amends and let go of them. We gain humility as a result of taking a good look at the damage we did to others (and ourselves) and accepting responsibility for it. After acknowledging to ourselves what we’ve done, we take responsibility for making it right.
Don’t rush through the step with urgency, yet don’t avoid making amends. Here’s an actionable list of realistic 9th step amends examples you can use as models. If you are asking yourself how can I make amends that sound genuine and are well received, it is important to remember you can only control what you say, not a person’s reaction. Ideally, a person recovering from an alcohol use disorder would be able to mend every broken relationship.
He took full responsibility for the situation and expressed that he is committed to continued recovery from alcohol and substance abuse. Real amends mean changing how you act to match your values. These steps help mend old wounds and strengthen our commitment to a sober life. It’s about taking responsibility and making things right. Download the Step 9 Worksheet and start your recovery journey today.
Celebrate living amends Recovery Step 9 showed you how to forgive, make amends, and accept the freely given gift of grace from God. Also, consider writing out a letter to express your feelings. You don’t always have to send it, but an exercise like this can be very healing.
Avoid Making Amends if You May Harm an Unwitting Third Party
The AA Big Book does not prescribe a particular way to make amends – it just tells you it’s the right thing to do. Connect with your AA sponsor for any specific question on Steps 8 and 9 that is not answered in our Step 8 Worksheet. The real power of making amends in recovery is in changing how you see yourself https://trias-group.co.id/alcohol-withdrawal-syndrome-symptoms-treatment-and-2/ and others. It clears the way for a better future, reducing the chance of going back to old ways.
In this example, a lawful no-contact order would bar you from making amends. However, you might make restitution anonymously, such as donating to a charity in the person’s honor. That helps you work an effective program, let go of white knuckling sobriety if that is the case, and avoid legal issues. Finally, don’t make excuses or explain away the poor behaviors. Wait for the person to respond; understand that they may not be ready to accept your words or trust your intentions. Step 9 directs you to sincerely apologize and restitution for the harm caused to the person.
The beauty of this process for newcomers and those unsure of where to go next is that their recovery from alcoholism is outlined in twelve in-depth action steps. Many alcoholics are guided through the steps by a sponsor, but some individuals complete the steps on their own. AA’s step work has been adjusted for use in other addiction recovery programs, such as sex addiction or drug addiction. It is important to note that just because you have made amends does not mean that your relationships will be completely healed or return back to normal. Step 9 centers on forgiveness and restoration, confronting past actions directly rather than avoiding them. This step emphasizes making direct amends wherever possible, acknowledging harm caused and taking what is alcoholism actions to rectify mistakes.